The Phrases given by A Father That Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

However the truth soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to talk between men, who often hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a break - spending a few days abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their pain, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."